I spent the day with family today. My dad was along. Dad was quite reserved when we were kids, he didn't talk much. He worked very hard, when he had free time it was usually spent reading. Dad has changed! He talks non-stop now. But I think his language skills have been damaged. Some wires have gotten crossed in his brain, that is my scientific medical diagnosis. These are snippets of conversations with Dad. Keep in mind that Dad often yells what he says.
Dad : "What was her name before she was married? Smith?"
Dad: "She was a Wright?"
Slug-A-Bed: "Dad, have you ever read "Pride and Prejudice?"
Dad: "Fried presidents? I heard there was a president that was only 5' 2". He weighed less than 100 lbs. And one president had 15 children."
Mom: "Read your book."
Dad: "Eat a bun? I don't have a bun. Did someone bring buns?"
(Mom always makes sure he has a book along so the rest of us can get a word in while he reads.)
Slug-A-Bed: "The pickup The Big Guy wanted to buy was sold ."
Dad: "Where did he keep it?"
Slug-A-Bed: "He didn't have it, he wanted it."
Dad: "He WON it?!"
Dad: "I should make an appointment to see Dr. Scott."
Mom: "What kind of Dr. is Dr. Scott?"
Dad: "I don't know any Dr. Scott."
Slug-A-Bed: "'M' had some really good lemon and lime salsa."
Dad: "M had women, wine and salsa?"
(Why wasn't I invited, M? Oh, yeah..... I remember last time. I won't do that again. I promise.)
Elevator = Cultivator.
Double knit clothes = Government clothes.
Seventy or eighty acres = Sedentary acres. (Retirement community perhaps?)
Sister "M" emailed me these jokes, I think they fit nicely here.
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
This is my favorite.
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
My Cup Runneth Over by Ree
1 day ago