Jan. 29, 2006, I think it's going to be bad news.

It was a Sunday night. The Big Guy and I were sitting across from each other at the kitchen table. I told him I was going to our Doctor in the morning because I was developing a bladder infection. I warned him that I thought I had more wrong than just an infection, "I think I am going to hear bad news tomorrow so be prepared."

I had been losing a lot of weight, which was great, but my abdomen was getting larger and it was tender. When the boys and I would wrestle and rough-house, I would find myself protecting my tummy.

The night sweats were incredibly drenching and had started happening during the day as well. On Christmas day at the in-laws, I remember standing in the kitchen and sweat was coming off my head in a steady stream. I felt like a pot of water boiling over onto the stove. I stood outside to cool off. It didn't help, and believe me, Iowa in Dec. is COLD!

And I was so incredibly tired. It's hard to describe the bone deep kind of tired I had been feeling for the last couple of years.

When I look back now I am thinking, "How blind were you? You had every sign of cancer there is! Of course you were going to have bad news you loser!" But at the time I could almost explain everything away, the tiredness was due to my fibromyalgia, sweats were probably perimenopause, (I was 40 you know!), weight loss was because I was working hard outside with the cattle. The swollen abdomen was a little harder to explain. I thought it was probably a gastro-intestinal tumor.

Have you ever thought about what kind of cancer you would choose if you had to have cancer? I always thought I'd prefer to have some type of tumor. Cut the sucker out and get rid of it man! You can't get rid of your blood, I knew I didn't want that kind of cancer.

The next morning I went to our family Doc..... To be continued.