Slug-A-Bed

Thrown by a cow - I probably deserved it.
The Big Guy and I were working with our cows a few years ago when we lived on the farm. I would bring them up to the gate a few at a time. He would swing the gate open to let the healthy ones run past him and back to their yard. He closed it to turn the cows that were having problems with sore hooves into a holding pen. We planned to treat them later.

The Big Guy was getting a little cranky because these cows didn't always go to the holding pen in a cooperative manner. They were in pain, didn't want to run, didn't want to be separated from their lady friends and definitely didn't want to be locked out of their familiar home.

Eventually The Big Guy's crabbiness extended to include me, even though I was being as cooperative and helpful as always.

I understood those poor hurting cows. I felt their pain. They didn't like getting yelled at, they didn't want to be told what to do by this bossy man at the gate.

Anyway, one of these angry cows got past him. As she ran by she kicked her back legs out sideways and nailed him hard in the butt.

Now I don't know why but sometimes another persons pain is extremely funny to me. When I was a kid my dad slammed a car door on his finger, it was very hard for me to control the laughter bubbling up inside me. I am smiling today just thinking about it.

But I digress, The Big Guy had just taken a direct hit to his right buttock. I checked on him, made sure he was OK. I think I said something like, "I can't believe she kicked you like that!"

Inside I was laughing so hard! I was saying to myself, "I can't believe she kicked him like that! That was hilarious! Oh, that was so funny!" Then sternly, "Don't smile, do not laugh out loud." Finally I had to turn away because I could no longer hold back the smile. I am evil like that sometimes.

About five minute later one of those cows I felt such a warm kinship for, fixed her cold, beady eyes on me. She lowered her head and ran full out, straight for me! I climbed the fence as fast as my chunky thighs could move to escape her wrath. Alas, I wasn't fast enough. She hooked her hard head under me and threw me up and over the fence! I landed flat on my back in the dirt. I lay there stunned for many pounding heart beats.

The Big Guy later claimed he didn't see any of it. He said he looked over and wondered, "What the heck? Why is she lying on the ground out there?"

Personally, I think he saw the whole thing and was laughing uproariously inside. And who would blame him. What goes around comes around, right?

At the end of the day, both our bodies and our egos were a little bruised, otherwise we were fine.